Oof, so, Doom: The Dark Ages. Man, where do I even start? First off, swinging shields around in an FPS? Yes, please. That’s like… well, it feels like eating cereal with a fork. Weirdly satisfying, ya know? And let’s talk about the weapons — shotgun is my BFF. Evergreen, timeless, like, I could write a love letter to it.
But wait, hold up. I gotta talk about this weird vibe clash. You’re in the zone, all parry and shoot, and then, boom, you’re in a giant mech suit or, of all things, riding a dragon with neon wings? What? It’s like buying a canoe for your backyard pool. Feels kinda off. They tried, I guess. But it’s like… mixing toothpaste with orange juice. You see what I’m getting at?
So, that Atlan mech, yeah? It’s like someone watched Pacific Rim and thought, “Hey, why not?” And it’s big, and smashy — trampling buildings like they’re Lego. But, seriously, fists? Why not a chainsaw shield thing? Missed opportunity, right? And stomping around doesn’t give you that thrill. It’s more “meh” than “wow”. It’s like expecting fireworks, and getting sparklers.
Then there’s this giant gun it picks up sometimes. Talk about overkill, but, like, in a good way. Except it charges when you dodge enemy punches? I mean, come on, since when does dodging refuel a gun? That’s like charging your phone by playing hopscotch. Kinda funny — in a head-scratching way. And just when you’re having fun, guess what? It junks the gun. Every. Single. Time. Let me rain down some more giant demon pain, game!
Oh, and the dragons. Right. Cue the epic fanfare, because, really, who doesn’t want to ride a dragon? Except… waiting. Loads of waiting, dodging here and there to get some pitiful shot at a turret. Seriously? Turrets? Talk about fantasy buzzkill. It’s like reaching for a soda and getting flat water, you know?
But every cloud has a silver lining, or something. The zippy parts where the dragon goes nuts on demon planes were kinda neat. Made me think of those classic space shooters, but with more muscle. Strip out the dull dodge stuff, and we might have something cool next time.
So, yeah. The Dark Ages is a mixed bag. Love the guns, love the world. But the mech and dragon bits? They’re the weird puzzle pieces that just don’t fit. Here’s hoping for a sequel where that dragon is as rad as Doom Slayer himself. Because, man, that would kick some serious butt.
