Alright, bear with me. Let’s dive into this chaotic whirlpool of thoughts. “Your controller is bugged.” Yup, that’s how we start. Random, right? Welcome to my brain.
So, over at Radio Free Nintendo, we adore the Big Ape. Apparently, this is ancient lore, like as old as my ancient CD collection. Now Playing segments once mentioned it, and poof, it’s canon.
Now, while scribbling this, I wandered off wondering if “The Big Ape” really fits Donkey Kong. The curse of an easily distracted mind, I suppose. Speaking of which, have you ever been curious about what makes an ape an ape? According to The Center for Great Apes, here’s the breakdown:
– Hair, not fur. DK’s got that funky quiff, so let’s check that box.
– Fingernails, not claws. Although DK’s usually in fist-mode, I did spot nails in some artwork. Score.
– Opposable thumbs — well, kind of self-evident, right?
– High brain-to-body ratio. Dude ties his own tie! Ever seen a marmot on a rhino? Didn’t think so.
– Prehensility… those fists again.
– Fingerprints? Haven’t peeked close enough.
– Binocular vision? Essential, considering his punch-driven lifestyle.
– Sense of smell? Eh, mystery unsolved.
Anyway, these ticked boxes scream ape to me. Oh, but fun fact: apes and monkeys aren’t the same. People mix ’em up, but monkeys have tails. Diddy Kong? Not an ape. Tail and all, he’s going to kick the bucket before DK. Sad reality, buddy.
Backtracking—Donkey Kong Bonanza hit us with a Direct. It was a solid fifteen-minute splurge of gameplay, giving us a teen Pauline as DK’s sidekick. The DK-Pauline saga was already meme-fodder, so spare me the drama. Key takeaways:
– Pauline’s an ape, by human standards.
– Diddy? Nope.
– Diddy’s got a shorter runway in life.
Feels like DK’s prepping for Diddy’s inevitable farewell, replacing him, maybe? Morbid, much?
Oh, James then rambles on Fantasy Life i: The Girl Who Steals Time. Mind-numbing. So many systems, like, mine to make stuff to craft better stuff to—yeah, I lost track.
Break time! Then more updates. Jon’s offloading consoles at GameStop, trying to game the trade-in system. Enter Special Agent Steve, GameStop’s stealthy defender. Cue the Mission Impossible theme.
Greg and the gang dive into Mario Kart World and F-Zero GX. Not something you’d expect to hear: Switch 2’s racing games with rad single-player modes. Mario Kart World is massive! Guillaume and James test GameChat, tossing games at each other like F-Zero GX spin-offs.
Oh, here’s an idea: we’re brewing marketing campaigns for Mario Kart World companies. Got a pitch? Send it my way.
Last bit, I’ll confess—I have no clue what a proper moniker is. “The Big Ape” works as a nickname for DK, but don’t ask me to sort out these grammatical nuances. The soil doesn’t care, and neither do I.
